Birmingham vs Sunderland – this will be a pretty tight game, although both sides need 3 points badly. No real strike power on wither side with Forsell still dodgy and Ivanhoe being as shite as stead (nearly). Sunderland will break their own record this season (that’s something right) so 1-0 Birmingham.

Blackburn vs Arsenal – The Arse winning against Real Madrid ain’t as impressive as ITV would have you believe, but if Henry ties his shoelaces the wrong way this is gonna be a surprise to Blackburn in my book. Tough to beat and a fast Line-up v the big 4 of Eboue, Toure (he’s ok in fact, could be Cygan) Senderos and Flamini with Lemon in nets is playing with fire. 2-1 Blackburn.

Charlton vs Aston Villa – When the highlight of your season is a Fake Sheik trying to buy you for a NotW sting, you know it’s been bad. Neither team is that interesting to anyone (including own fans). 0-0 Charlton. And PLEASE GOD let there be a streaker!!!
Chelsea vs Portsmouth – lets face facts. Chelsea Pompey (my A level maths wont allow for the Middlesboro factor in these equations ). Embarrassment in midweek and the fear factor should be enough to mean a unsurprising 3-0 to Chelsea.
Newcastle vs Everton – Everton are finally regaining their rightful place in midtable mediocrity, Geordies need Shearer, Owen, and Jackie Milburn to return to get anywhere near respectable. Oh, and can I play in front for them in stead of Ameobi. I wont move from the pen spot so the law of averages means i will eventually ricochet the ball in the net at a higher percentage than he does.
1-0 Everton has a nice ring to it. Prob with Cahill header.

Bolton vs Fulham – if Bolton were Cottaging it this weekend it could have been a close call, but Coleman’s lads couldn’t hit Neville Southall’s arse with a banjo away from home this season. Bolton will recover with a 2-0 win after their UEFA disappointment.

Steven Gerrard vs Man City – Gerrard (or Liverpool as they used to be) usually beat City, all the more likely this season with city wanting the scourers to finish above Salford Utd. 2-1 Gerrard. (there’s a joke to be had with Barton, Sissoko and eye injury, but I ain’t the gut to think of it, sorry)

West Brom vs Middlesbrough – Boro will be knackered after playing in Europe, and WBA are due another shock win. 1-0 Baggies.